Just what does it mean to ‘embrace the feminine’? A few years ago I might have answered that it wasn’t something that I would ever consider to be me. If anyone had asked me what feminine energy was, I would have answered that surely it meant being a girly girl – you know, having your nails done and always dressing and presenting perfectly. Anyone who knows me well knows that’s definitely not me. I’m much more your jeans, t-shirt and messy hair type of girl. Lately, though, I’ve felt the call to go deeper and learn more about the power of feminine energy.

Stepping into and embracing that delicious feminine energy is something that’s been coming up over and over in the last two years. Over the years I’ve always known that my core energy was feminine – heck, I’m a highly sensitive woman who will cry at the drop of a hat, but never have I been called to own it more than in recent times.

Two weekends ago I spent a couple of days out in beautiful Daylesford, which is located about an hour west of Melbourne. It’s a lovely little spa town which is surrounded by 65 natural mineral springs. I wasn’t there to enjoy the ambience, though, I was there to learn more about myself at the Love & Relationships mastery weekend held by Marcus Pearce.

‘Wouldn’t you rather enjoy the spas?’ I hear you asking? Sure, who wouldn’t? Though, when the opportunity comes up to learn more about myself (as awkward and scary as that can sometimes be), I’m there! Believe me, there were definitely a few awkward moments during the weekend and I wished I was relaxing at the spa, rather than diving deeper into my inner workings.

The purpose of the weekend was all about discovering ways to enhance relationships to make them truly exceptional with the most important relationship, yep, the one with yourself, front and centre. We learnt a lot about masculine and feminine energies plus some other psychological aspects of human behaviour. It was all truly fascinating and I came away with an even greater understanding about myself. 

Masculine Vs Feminine Energy

I think we’re all fully aware of the differences between men and women (though I know we can sometimes struggle to understand them)! The fact is that everyone has an energy at their core – generally speaking most women are core feminine and most men are core masculine (hardly a surprise there), but there are always exceptions to every rule and there are definitely men out there with a stronger feminine energy and ladies with a more dominant masculine energy. The most interesting aspect, that I learnt over the weekend, is that we often tend to display tendencies of the opposite energy in times of stress.

Masculine and Feminine Energy

  

As you can see above, masculine energy is more about detachment, freedom and challenge. Is it any wonder when women want to talk to their partners about an issue that they’re having, that men try to offer solutions? Note to any guys reading this – we don’t want solutions, we just want you to listen….the odd head nod or ‘uh hum’ is sufficient, unless, of course, we ask for help, then by all means give us your very best advice. Masculine energy is analytical, it wants to fix the problem, rather than talk about things like feelings.

Feminine energy is more about compassion, understanding and holding on. I’ve often been told that my best quality is that I can easily empathise with others. Women are more intuitive and rely on feelings and tone of voice, rather than the actual words spoken. I know from experience that I can read a whole lot more into a simple statement than what is necessarily there.

In the past

In the past, I definitely felt myself living from that masculine space – I always felt that I had to be on the go. If anyone asked what I was doing at the weekend, if I couldn’t offer a long list of things, then I’d feel like a failure. I always felt like I had to be ‘doing’, rather than simply ‘being’. Never was this more apparent than when I was living in London working long hours. I felt detached from my true purpose – I was mostly happy, enjoying living in a new city with all that had to offer, but I knew at my core that I wasn’t living life on my terms. I was often emotionally unattached in relationships (especially intimate relationships). If I was stressed after a long day, I never wanted to talk about it, much less be comforted, I just wanted some time out. I came to think that this was just because I’m a bit of an introvert, but the more I’m getting to understand this stuff, the more I realise that what had actually happened is that I’d put on a masculine mask whenever I felt under stress. 

The thing about putting on a mask is that you’re no longer living from your true essence. When I think back to my time in London, I very rarely let my guard down and truly allowed myself to be vulnerable. I wouldn’t accept help from anyone and I surely didn’t like to depend on other people. I always thought that I could do it all on my own – I was an independent woman, right? Without wanting to turn back the clock on women’s liberation – I still firmly believe in it – I now understand that in order for us to feel good, we need to be aware of when we step into the opposite energy space.

The issue with switching to the opposite energy when under stress is that it affects the natural order of things. There’s a reason why men and women were created differently and given different energies. We’re meant to be opposites, there’s a yin and yang at play where one energy helps to balance out the other.  When that energy gets interrupted and we slip into the opposite we can feel like we’re really not aligned with our true selves. It can lead us to displaying behaviours that are confusing to our partners – instead of wanting affection, we start to criticise our partners (hello, guilty as charged)!!

Nowadays, with so many women in the workforce, we’re more likely to need to put that masculine mask on as soon as we enter the office. No-one wants to be seen as weak at work, much less show emotion – I’ve cried a handful of times at work, it ain’t pretty, it’s just humiliating. In the corporate world, words such as innovation get thrown around and everyone is keenly aware that things need to change in order to be improved. This can cause women to need to move into that space of always doing, always striving, rather than simply being and allowing their true nature to shine through. If women were given the space to be creative and were able to tap into their intuition, I would bet that you’d get more out of them in the workplace and less would suffer from burnout down the line.

Now

The good thing, now, is that I’m more aware. I now understand that in times of stress, that I tend to shift into a more masculine space and I’m acutely aware of the feelings that it brings. When I feel myself shifting into that masculine space, I can feel myself leading more with my head than my heart. Nowadays, I’ll feel a perceptible inner shift that tells me that I’ve switched over. I’ll feel anxious and unable to make a decision because deep down, I know that I’m making it from the wrong space.  I’ve come to learn that if something doesn’t feel right, then I need to check in with my heart and inner intuition to see if its truly right for me. 

I’ve found that embracing those feminine qualities has made a profound shift in my life – I feel so much more at ease when I’m living in that feminine space. I’m much less worried about what other people think, I’m able to be more open and vulnerable with those I love and I can see that I come from a place of compassion so much more. The true benefit is that now when I make major decisions, the anxiety over whether it was the right choice has (mostly) disappeared.

You want to know my biggest takeaway from the weekend? Know thyself. Spend some time understanding your true nature and be aware in times of stress whether you switch to the other side. When it comes to living the life you love, its all about knowing who you are at your core and having the faith to follow it, especially if the people around you aren’t on the same page. If like me, you know you’re core energy is feminine, here are some ways in which you can get in touch with it to truly understand more about yourself:

* Journalling – anytime you feel unsure, write it down and really feel the emotion behind it.

* Spend some time alone – it’s ok to spend time alone – how else can you truly get to know yourself if you’re distracted all the time?

* Get out into nature – spend some time in a beautiful location and reflect on how it makes you feel

* Try a kundalini yoga class – I’ve been going to one now for just over two years. I truly believe it’s what started me on the path to knowing my inner feminine – you can read all about my experience of a class here

That’s about it for this week – if you liked this post, let me know or feel free to share with your friends or comment below.

Wishing you  a wonderful week filled with connections, love and happiness.

Shelley xx